Your 'taster' will tell you: Accept no substitutes
As you read this, it's Sunday, Dec. 26, the
day after Christmas. And you, no doubt, have just enjoyed - or are about
to enjoy - a sumptuous breakfast.
But as I'm writing it, it's still Christmas Day - early afternoon, in fact.
And our family has just returned from an unscheduled, post-Christmas-present-opening tour of the town - looking for an open restaurant.
So we could get a late breakfast.
But most of the breakfast places we usually frequent don't open until about 3 p.m.
And the fast food restaurants that are open ... well, since it's after 11 a.m., they have already switched from their breakfast menu to their regular one.
In fact, they are switching the menu signs from "breakfast" to "lunch" as we walk into the place we finally settle on.
And the folks just ahead of us in line get the last sausage and egg biscuits.
"Well, even if it's after 11, do you have any leftover breakfast stuff?" I asked the person who waits on us.
The answer is a definite "no."
Which means having to order from the non-breakfast menu while still having our tasters tuned for breakfast stuff.
So, I'm thinking this: "What, on the regular menu, is the closest thing to a breakfast food?"
I finally settle on the ham and cheese sandwich. Which is sort of breakfast-like. Except for one thing.
So, I ask for it.
"Could I get some egg on my ham and cheese sandwich?"
Which would make it a ham, egg and cheese sandwich.
Which is a true breakfast sandwich.
I'm not sure if the fella doesn't hear me when I ask if I can get some egg on my sandwich.
Or just decides to avoid my question. Because the answer should be obvious to me.
Anyway, what I get is a ham and cheese - without egg - sandwich.
With some French fries.
French fries also - to me at least - not being a breakfast food.
As opposed to, say, home fries.
Which are a definite breakfast food.
Although, if you stop and think about it, what's really the difference between home fries and French fries?
Technically, not a lot. Except maybe the shape of them.
So, there I am, sitting down to a "brunch" and trying to pretend that it is a "breakfast."
While chewing on a ham and cheese sandwich. And trying to pretend it has egg on it.
While nibbling French fries, that, despite similar pedigree, taste nothing like home fries.
Which proves little, I guess, except that, as I mentioned, you can't fool your taster.
When it is set for one thing. And you give it something else.
But, tonight, I plan to have my revenge.
By going to one of those 24-hour breakfast places. (That are apparently open 24 hours every day - except Christmas Day.)
Where I will definitely get some breakfast.
Even if, by then, I'd probably rather have some supper.
Bob Williams is senior editor for The Courier-Tribune and a life-long Asheboro resident. His column appears each Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. Contact him at <bwilliams@courier-tribune.com>.